In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
