Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was born a porn star she said
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
