If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
