it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
