I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
