The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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