Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
