so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
