just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
