you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
