nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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