What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
