I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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