I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
