I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
