Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
