dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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