3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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