could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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