yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
