i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
