dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
