you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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