I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
