The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I deserve this hangover.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
