I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
