so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
