Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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