wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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