I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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