wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
