I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
