after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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