god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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