you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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