I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
