somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
