What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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