So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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