i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
