Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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