omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
