I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
