It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
