You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize