If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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