Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
