every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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