Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
