Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
