Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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