Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
