Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
