he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i was in the wii world.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
