He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
